Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
