I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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