What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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