it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
