Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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