i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
