i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Randomize
