I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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