I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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