I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
