So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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