How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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