What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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