You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
