So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
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My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
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I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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