I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
