you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
