Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
