Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
