Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
