Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
