I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
