life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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