Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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