I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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