Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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