Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
