woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
