1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
