this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
