Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
