and i looked up. we had an audience...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
