how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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