At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
