dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
