Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize