1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
