I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I did not marry a roomba.
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