My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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