i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
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She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
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I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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