You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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