The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
high people should be assigned attendants
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
