went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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