Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Randomize
