Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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