as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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