yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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