it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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