this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
why is half of my head shaved?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
