capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
