Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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