like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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