If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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