Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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