What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
