My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
