there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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