One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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