Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
