i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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