wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize