i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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