Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
