My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.