I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
