i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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